Sharon's Dilemma
by Jellas
Summary: Filling in most of the gaps that were left wide open between series two and three for the members of CID who were left behind. What happened between Chris and Shaz? Why did Sharon become so disillusioned with the Met?
1. Flashbacks

**Sharon's Dilemma**

**Part 1 - FLASHBACKS**

Christopher Skelton is a good man. That's what WPC Sharon Granger had reasoned to why she accepted the invitation to go for dinner and a movie the first time Chris raised enough courage to ask her out on a date. In her eyes he was a bit too weedy looking and lacked a few connections upstairs. Conversations were stilted, not that they talked much, Ray used to make a snide comment every time Chris finally built up the courage to approach her. Their typical conversations usually consisted of:

"Hey Shaz... errr, the weather's been a bit awful today, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, it is a bit"

At that point, usually Ray would make a snide comment or the Guv would call Chris away, and Chris would follow like him like a lost puppy. All negatives aside, Shaz knew that Chris was loyal and kindhearted. That was why when Chris had, so very eloquently, asked her "Uhh, Shazzer. Do you, you know, want to see a movie or something. A date, like and dinner and and..." Shaz hestitated for a few moments, then looked in to Chris' pleading puppy dog eyes; took pity on him and answered in the affirmative. She knew it wasn't a good idea to get involved with a superior officer. Yet, after getting to know Chris, Sharon had found him to be funny and sweet and after a few pointers, quite adequate in the bedroom.

Sharon didn't mind taking care of Chris. Between his own inclinations and Ray's encouragement, left to his own devices, Chris managed to get drunk every night, only eat bacon butties, curries and chips and live in a flat reminiscent of a fresher's dormitory room. However, it meant that due to Sharon's refusal to visit his flat whilst it smelt like a changing room filled with men whom have just finished a marathon run, the sight of Chris wearing her mother's old frilly green apron, kneeling over and scrubbing the floor clean was an image that would always bring a smile to her face.

Once her personal life had been sorted out, the day Alexandra Drake was carried in to CID was the day Sharon's identity in her professional life changed. Shaz admired her superior officer. Although she was loud, occasionally annoying and crass and sometimes borderline certifiable, she brought a change in the environment in CID and even the rest of Fenchurch East that Shaz longed for. Shaz could aim higher now the glass ceiling had been weakened; she felt she could go far in her career as a policewoman. Alex gave Shaz that confidence. Shaz was very grateful to her ma'am for that. And it didn't hurt that she was able and very willing to give DCI Hunt an earful and sometime a chinful when he was being an insufferable git.

Two years after Alex's dramatic entrance, her head full of plans for her wedding, Sharon felt like the bubble that kept her feet from touching the floor was burst when she found out Chris had been corrupt. His integrity and her trust in him had been compromised. Sharon had been in love with the idea that Chris was a excellent policeman. An upstanding member of society. White as white could be. Maybe a little dull in terms of intellect, but a trustworthy and kind character.

It was soon after her perfect life had been dealt such a demoralizing shock that the unspeakable occurred, in that picturesque park where, swathed in white tulle, it all changed for Sharon. Her mentor was severely hurt and might never wake up. Her Guv soon disappeared. Ray was left to pick up the pieces of their team's morale and Sharon's relationship with Chris was cracking, strained perhaps beyond repair.

After the whirlwind of the few days after the shooting, Sharon and Chris had agreed to postpone the wedding. "Until things settle down" Chris had said. Sharon readily agreed; she was still determined to get married to Chris.

However, it was whilst she was still engaged to Chris, on a chilly morning a few weeks after the Operation Rose fiasco, Sharon pulled the sheet over her naked chest as she raised herself up from her reclining position. She heard quiet snoring of the figure lying next to her. Sharon had never considered having an affair with anyone before, but there she was, in the aftermath of a night of naked pleasure with a man who wasn't her betrothed.


	2. The Confrontation

**Sharon's Dilemma**

**Part 2 - THE CONFRONTATION**

As quietly as she could manage; attempting not to jostle the man whom she couldn't name, Sharon got up from the bed, slipped on the crumpled mess of her dress from last night, grabbed her clutch, coat and shoes from the bedroom floor and slipped out of the house. She sat on the steps outside the terraced house to buckle her heels. Whilst attempting to fingercomb her hair, her vision rested upon the rose bush by the gate. The pink flowers conjuring unpleasant connotations: Chris' betrayal, the corruption in the force, the Guv, holding a gun, standing over DI Drake; blood pouring from her side; eyes glassy. Sharon swallowed the bile that rised in her throat.

Whilst walking the streets, the few people that were awake and about this early on a cold day all seemed to stare at her as she passed, a byproduct of what her dishevelled attire . Sharon wanted to scream at them: "What are you staring at?" But she merely raised her chin and kept her eyes staring past them. Being unfamiliar with the area, she continued walking until she hit a major road, and then waited at the bus stop until she caught one that would head in the direction of home. On the bus she got the compact mirror from her clutch, licked her finger and scrubbed under her eye to remove the black smudges her makeup had caused. It would not do to face her mother looking as she did.

After arriving home, she passed her mother in the kitchen on the way to her bedroom. Sharon swore she heard a tutting sound before the question she dreaded hearing: "How was Chris this morning?"

"Fine, mother." Sharon decided a simple lie was best.

Her mother continued to tell her some unimportant gossip, while Shaz tuned her out and shut her bedroom door. She sat on the bed for a while, staring in to space, her brain overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. Eventually they all pointed in one direction. She had decided what to do.

Sharon picked up the phone and dialled a familiar number, the number she used so frequently that the keys involved were noticeably more worn out that the others. The phone rang a few times before a tired, hoarse voice answered "Skelton".

"I need to see you. Our spot in an hour."

"Kay Shaz, what did you wa– "

Sharon hung up before Chris could complete his enquiry. She went to have a quick shower, scrubbing away the evidence of her dalliance, though the cleanliness only extended to the surface.

"Their" spot was a grassy patch under the shade of an oak tree in a park between her house and Chris' house. It was their spot because it was in walking distance of both of their houses, but a little too far for most of the staff of Fenchurch East to make an appearance, so Shaz and Chris were reasonably comfortable of their anonymity in the grounds. Shaz arrived slightly late, dawdling, hoping to delay the inevitable by a few precious seconds. Chris was already leaning on the tree as she arrived, a pensive look on his face.

"Shaz, is everything okay?" Chris started. "You sounded so—"

"Shhh, please Chris, just let me speak." Shaz urged him, her mind scrambling to find the best way to say the next words. "This, as in us, we aren't working. I...I can't go on like this" Sharon's voice broke on the last word and Chris took the opportunity to interrupt, his brow furrowed in a multitude of emotions.

"Why? I thought we were, you know, getting better. After all the bother, like. Why, why now?"

"Chris I – you know I love you. But I can't do this. You hurt me Chris, and I don't think I can get over it. I thought I could have, but I can't."

I know things are hard now. But we can get through it, Shaz. You and me. I'm not going to hurt you again, I swear!" Chris was now welling up, too.

"It's not just about what you did, Chris. It's everything. We've been floundering. Everything is wrong. We can't be together anymore."

"But I love you, Shaz. I do! Please don't leav—"

"I slept with another man last night" Shaz almost whispered.

"You what?"

"I had sex with another man last night. It didn't mean anything, I don't even know his name, but it made me realise we weren't working Chris. I'm so sorry Chris, but we're done."

There was silence in the air, broken up by loud breathing from both parties and occasional sobs from Sharon. Chris stayed silent. Minutes passed before Chris finally broke the standoff.

"I'll... I'll see you at work." He turned and Sharon watched him walk away.


	3. The Aftermath

**Sharon's Dilemma**

**Part 3 - THE AFTERMATH**

The few days after their breakup were torture for Chris and Sharon. They only spoke out of necessity in CID, Chris went to drown his sorrows at Luigi's every night with Luigi pouring him drink after drink, shaking his head, and Ray assuring him that there were better fish in the sea, while Sharon stayed at home, crying and pouring her heart out to her mother in their kitchen, drinking endless cups of tea.

Sharon found solace by sitting beside DI Drake's bedside in the hospital for a few hours every week, reading magazines and commenting on the articles out loud. She would also talk her about her breakup, letting spill intimate details she wouldn't dare tell her mother.

For the next few weeks, like the few weeks preceding them, Sharon was miserable. She felt betrayed by Chris' corruptness and the Guv's disappearance and angry that her DI was wounded and relying on machines to breathe for her. Although her moods were no fouler than they had been previously, now she had broken up with Chris, and could only have a one way conversation with DI Drake, she had few people to turn to for support. She didn't regret breaking up with Chris, at least not yet. She didn't regret the Guv not coming back, not knowing if him injuring DI Drake was intentional or not, yet his abandonment of them all hurt.

CID was falling apart with its two senior officers MIA. Very few cases were getting solved. The Superintendent had sent another DCI to take the reins, a useless hack from Bath. An irritating fellow, he was so interested in doing things by the book that the team spent more time doing their paperwork than they spent doing something actually productive. Frustrated , the team were sending out vibes full of deep resentment and the new DCI soon grew bored of the backchat and the cigarette smoke and made a dash for the hills claiming "family issues". CID was once again abandoned and fraying at the seams. The Super couldn't be bothered enticing another officer to come to this ragtag team with its poor reputation, so he decided to promote Ray and allow him to lead the team under "close supervision". Close supervision turned out to mean Ray had almost free reign, provided he brief the Super every couple of day. The announcement of Ray's promotion did not occur with the usual smiles and congratulations a promotion usually created. A few claps from the surrounding officers, a few murmured "good on ya mate" but the tone was subdued. Ray wasn't too impressed either. His sense of accomplishment dampened because he didn't feel like he deserved the accolades nor was he ready for the responsibilities that he was now entrusted with. Ray's first case at the helm involved a shy, petite young teenager named Anne who claimed she had been raped by her uncle. Anne's plight never going to go well. The case had no forensic evidence; it eventually came down to the teen's word against her uncle's. Morale always dipped when dealing with such horrific matters, particularly when involving children. The extended family of the two having a shouting match in the middle of CID didn't exactly help. Eventually, Ray advised the girl and her parents to drop the case, and even though logically everyone had to agree with Ray's decision, it was still difficult to accept emotionally, his actions did not appeal to their ideal black and white world; justice was unserved. Resentment grew in the ranks; Ray's commands were met with quiet backchat, his decisions debated hotly in Luigi's every night. All of this put further strain on Ray's already weakened confidence, placing greater difficulties in an already torturous path.

The less confident Ray became, the more he tried to prove his alpha maleness; tried to emulate the Guv in as many ways as possible. His interpretation of this meant that he treated Shaz worse than usual, even occasionally becoming downright cruel with his jibes and putdowns. Despite Shaz's best efforts to ignore Ray's insults, after a particularly ugly showdown, she was reduced to tears in the women's toilets. Chris had tried to come to her rescue during the fiasco, but Shaz had shut him up with a few cruel words. The aftermath of that incident caused the three usually close friends to have some very icy walls in between all of them, only somewhat melted after some very long and lonely days.

Sharon was fast becoming disillusioned with the police force, the constant undercurrent of the misogyny from her workmates and the violence and hatred from the public being exponentially harder to deal with on top of the recent stress in her life. People on her mother's estate, people she had grown up with and had played with as children now ignored her; were spiteful towards her because she was a police officer.

Having sensed that Sharon was miserable and holding back in telling her the whole story in their regular tea and chat sessions, Sharon's mother cornered Sharon and badgered her in to telling her the whole story. Three hours, five cups of tea, three hot toddies and almost a whole tissue box later, Sharon's mother was as fully briefed as she was ever going to be. Her list of recommendations contained only one item: Quit the force. Sharon didn't want to; she didn't like being a quitter. But she knew that going on, fighting against the whole world, alone, was making her weary. She was sick of it all. She was so very tired.


	4. Rebuilding

A/N: Just a short epilogue to wrap up the story. Thank you to all who took the time to read, and a big thank you to the few who reviewed.

**Sharon's Dilemma**

**Part 4**** - REBUILDING**

DCI Gene Hunt and DI Alex Drake made quite the entrance the morning they returned to CID. To say the populace of Fenchurch East were shocked at the circumstances of their return would be somewhat of a massive understatement. Despite the shock, Sharon was thrilled to have them back. Though she knew Ray was doing all he could to preserve the team, keep them all together and working as a unit, it was a monumental ask and Ray wasn't exactly the best person to ask to help raise others' spirits.

Shaz could see that the pair didn't exactly arrive unscathed from the ordeal. The Guv spent the first few weeks in a foul mood, foul even for the Guv, he went overboard to prove to the world that he was back and he meant business. The arrival of Jim Keats didn't exactly help to lift his mood. The testosterone could almost be tasted in the air as the two alpha males faced off against eachother, across the checkerboard kingdom. Shaz also noticed small ways in which Alex Drake was different. She acted oddly sometimes, not that that was much change to her normal behaviour, but Shaz could see that she was almost pushing herself too far; her body, and possibly her mental state, weakened by her time spent unconscious. Occasionally she would see DI Drake contort her face in a grimace of pain when she believed no one else was watching. Understandably, DI Drake and the Guv weren't as close as they once were, but there was still a spark between them. All of CID subconsciously fed off the two's chemistry and lifted their game considerably, happy for a return to the status quo.

Even with some of her worries about CID lifted, Sharon still had her personal problems to deal with. Having Alex Drake back to make her feel like her feel like she was more than just a glorified receptionist, having someone who believed in her potential to go far in the force made the bad side of the job, the danger, the snubbing by former friends slightly easier to take. Though the job was still difficult and Sharon still had her doubts about her future with the police, her duties were certainly more interesting when she was doing something other than making tea and coffee all day, every day.

Though she had been the one to finally pull the plug of the relationship Sharon was still smarting from her breakup. She still had feelings for Chris and she was starting to regret sleeping with the other man, and also regret telling Chris about it. Chris never mentioned Sharon's confession, which Sharon knew this meant she had hurt him quite badly and it made her feel worse. But she knew that right now she and Chris could not make a relationship work. But perhaps in the future, when the pain of past sins has had time to fade, maybe, hopefully, there would still be something to salvage.

The state of affairs was still far from normal, but the hope of better days to come makes life a little more bearable every day.


End file.
